ADHD in the Bedroom (When Your Brain Has More Tabs Open Than Your Browser)

ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder with core symptoms of impulsive behaviour, hyperactivity, and difficulty paying attention. People with ADHD may also experience emotional dysregulation, oppositional behaviours, or disorganization. There’s no “cure” to ADHD, but the symptoms can be managed in a variety of ways. It’s important to note that ADHD can manifest differently in each individual, and how it affects someone’s daily life can vary greatly. Unfortunately, there isn't a lot of research on the mental, emotional, and behavioural aspects of sexual health, which is important for overall health status and quality of life. This gap in research is especially critical when considering how ADHD interacts with diverse sexual orientations and gender identities. People with ADHD who are also part of the LGBTQ+ community may experience additional challenges and nuances that haven’t really been explored in existing studies.

How might it affect your sex life

There’s a common myth that people with ADHD have higher-than-average sex drives, but the effects of ADHD can actually go either way. With anyone, sex drives will vary throughout the day, week, and life in general. If your sex drive isn't causing issues for you or those around you, it’s probably not a cause for concern. It’s also important to remember that ADHD-related challenges, such as difficulty regulating emotions or being easily distracted, may also affect how one experiences or enjoys sex.

Hypersexuality

There are many studies that have concluded a link between ADHD and hypersexuality, but this might not always be true. There’s a lot of limitations in the existing studies, as most of them focus on white cisgender people with penises and people with vaginas. For those who do experience hypersexuality though, there are a few possible reasons.

People with ADHD often experience heightened levels of restlessness and seek out activities that provide stimulation to counteract this feeling. This can manifest in the bedroom as a heightened desire for sexual activity or a preference for more intense, frequent sexual encounters. Because of the brain’s lack of dopamine with ADHD, individuals might crave stimulation to counteract this, and sex can be one way to achieve the sense of reward.

Impulsivity, a core symptom of ADHD, often leads to risky behaviours, and this extends to sexual activity. People with ADHD may be more likely to act on sexual urges without fully considering the consequences. This can include things like engaging in unprotected sex, having intercourse while intoxicated, or choosing partners without considering the potential risks–both emotionally and physically.

Problematic pornography use is commonly seen in hypersexuality, and although there are some studies on this in people with ADHD, a lot more is needed to make any connections. Similarly, it's believed that people with ADHD produce less dopamine, which means they could potentially feel less “satisfied” with the “typical” experience of sex–leading to seeking out things like pornography, frequent masturbation, or multiple partners. People with ADHD are often more likely to engage in risky sexual behaviours due to impulsivity, like unprotected sex or sex while under the influence.

Sex also releases endorphins, which can cause a feeling of calmness and decrease the restlessness that comes with many ADHD symptoms. The link between ADHD and hypersexuality is complex, and some individuals may experience hypersexuality as a coping mechanism for emotional or psychological distress, rather than a mere consequence of ADHD itself.

Again, a lot more research is needed, especially studies that keep an open mind. Some of the behaviours listed above are often viewed as negative, but unless they’re causing discomfort for you or those around you, they may be part of what your healthy sex life looks like.

Hyposexuality

The term “hyposexuality” refers to multiple things: it can be an inability to feel turned on, or having a hard time orgasming. For people in relationships, this experience may come from a lack of feeling of intimacy. Hyposexuality may be a result of ADHD directly, but it can also be a side-effect of medications used to manage ADHD and other conditions.

One of the effects of ADHD is difficulty with executive functioning, meaning managing complex tasks like keeping track of bill dates and staying on top of household chores. So, in a relationship, the non-ADHD partner(s) may end up picking up these tasks or “nagging” their partner(s) to do so, which could lead to feelings of resentment and underappreciation if there is a lack of communication and mutual understanding. It’s also crucial to consider that ADHD-related challenges in emotional regulation can impact relationship dynamics, especially in romantic or sexual contexts.

Hypersensitivity

People with ADHD may also have hypersensitivity, which could cause discomfort during sex and therefore avoidance. Smells, touches, and tastes that occur during sex might feel overwhelming and annoying. The heightened sensitivity can also affect emotional intimacy, with some individuals feeling overwhelmed by their partner’s touch, or struggling to stay present in more physically or emotionally intimate moments.

Satisfaction & Intimacy

For people with ADHD, it can be hard to shut out the world and feel present during sex. If your mind keeps wandering to what you’re going to eat for breakfast tomorrow, or that nagging appointment you keep forgetting to book, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re bored but it does mean that focusing on giving and receiving pleasure becomes near-impossible. It’s important to communicate with your partner about these experiences to help both of you understand that this doesn’t reflect a lack of interest, but rather the difficulties that ADHD can create with sustained attention.

To sum up...

If you have ADHD, there’s a lot of ways to make sex itself a more enjoyable experience.

1. Minimize distractions during sex. This can help you focus on feeling “in your body” during the present moment. This can look like dimming lights, ensuring the bed is free from clutter, and turning phones on “do not disturb”.

2. Mix it up. This sounds a bit counter-intuitive to the first point, but if you find yourself distracted, sometimes introducing a new toy, position, or technique can pique your brain’s interest to become re-engaged in the moment.

ADHD's impact on sexual health is multifaceted and deeply personal, varying widely from one individual to another. While challenges like hypersexuality, hyposexuality, and hypersensitivity can arise, understanding these experiences through the lens of ADHD can foster greater self-awareness and communication in relationships. By addressing distractions, embracing open dialogue, and exploring what works best for each person, individuals with ADHD can navigate their unique sexual experiences with confidence and care. More inclusive research is essential to better understand these dynamics, especially for those in the LGBTQ+ community, ensuring that everyone’s sexual health and well-being are supported.