All About Fisting

Fisting! A primer to hands inside bodies.

What is fisting?

I have been known to boast that I have “perfect” fisting hands – small, flexible, and strong – as I make a little duck with my fingers lapped together and thumb pulled neatly under. Certainly, it’s annoying top energy, but also happens to be true.

Fisting involves inserting an entire hand into a vagina, front hole,* or anus. This practice can be about physical pleasure, strong sensations, increased partner intimacy, power dynamics, pushing boundaries, or a combination of any of these things.

This might be something that excites you, interests you, or makes your muscles clench up in a “fuck no, ouch” reaction. Any of these things are okay! But fisting is something that has a lot of taboo associations to it, so we’re taking some time to dispel myths about pleasure and safety.

Why the Taboo?

I was trying to pinpoint this moment for myself when I first knew what fisting was and I’m not sure I can. I think back to the scene in Chasing Amy where Joey Lawrence Adams is trying to explain to cishet men how lesbians fuck each other. Or episodes of South Park when it was often used a running joke with undercurrents of homophobia. Either way, fisting isn’t something with a plethora of popular culture representation nor does it have attention paid in general sex education.

Fisting’s most common association is with gay male community, likely due to its prominence in rhetoric for gay liberation. Homophobic hysteria that came with the AIDS crisis targeted fisting as an “unsafe” sex practice and the associated taboo was never quite shed.

In 2011, queer porn stars Jiz Lee and Courtney Trouble declared October 21 as International Fisting Day in response to United States obscenity laws that were resulting in censorship of porn distribution.

A few years after that, I saw someone fisted for the first in real life at a dungeon event in Ottawa, where the partners were gracious enough to walk through a “how-to” demonstration. I was intrigued but it took many years before I fisted someone and even longer before I was fisted. A mixture of taboo and some physical apprehension seemed to be the combination that prevented me from enjoying it. 

Common Myths About Fisting

Having been on both the giving and receiving end, I know there are apprehensions about the practice.

It’s going to hurt. With preparation time, care, communication, technique, and a lot of high-quality lube, it ought not to. That said, hand size can make a huge difference and there might be a feeling of pressure that you aren’t into. Forceful penetration without proper lubrication can cause tearing – try to avoid that with prep, check-ins, and being slow.

It’s only for queers/kinksters. It does seem to be more common amongst these folks but there’s not reason why fisting needs to be limited to these communities.

It’s going to stretch. True but also not irreparable harm! Particularly, vaginal muscles are amazingly resilient, and that pliability means adaptability. While anal muscles are generally less elastic, a safe and well-lubed fisting session typically causes no lasting changes to area. Safe fisting will not “ruin” penetrative sex for you.

It’s humiliating. Consent is paramount with all sex practices. When you are doing something that has slightly more physical risk, care and communication need to be centered to mitigate it. There is a power dynamic inherent to all sex and this can be heightened with a higher sensation practice, but no act is inherently humiliating. 

Fist Safely

• Wash your hands and/or wear nitrile gloves. Latex gloves can also be used but ensure that you are using latex-compatible lube and that your partner doesn’t have latex sensitivities. Some guides indicate that gloves make for smoother entry – it’s not that way for my body but it might be for yours. 
• Lube is your best friend. Use way more than you think necessary and add more as you go.
• It goes with washing your hands but cut and file your nails. Especially if you are fisting without a barrier, nails can cause microtears and abrasions, increasing STI transmission risk and general irritation.
• With anal fisting, you may want to douche ahead of time. There needs to be a bit more training because anuses don’t stretch as much as vaginas. Gradually increasing the size of anal plug use is a great way to start.
• Like all sex, fisting can be a bit messy. Towels or rubber sheets can make clean up a bit easier for post-scene hygiene.
• Start very slow with one or two fingers and warm up. A lot of foreplay is going to be helpful to prepare the body and make the experience enjoyable. “Would you like a little more?” is a great (and hot) phrase to use as you are proceeding.
• I know it’s called fisting, but don’t actually go in with a fist. When all fingers are inserted, your hand will look like a little duck. The idea is to make your hand as small as possible with entry.
• Doggy style opens the body up more but having the receiving partner lay on their back (missionary has its value still) so you can see responses and reactions more easily is helpful, especially if it’s your first time together.
• Once your inside, you might open your hand, create the fist, slowly rotate, etc. with communication with your partner.
• Vaginal orgasms can create a lot of pressure on the hand because of muscle spasming. The receiving partner may need to do some intentional breathing to help with control.
• Once the fisting is over, ensure slow removal of hand. The receiving partner should breathe out and relax while doing it.

A Couple More Things

It might be partly due to the taboo, but fisting is also an intense physical experience that can lead to an endorphin drop (i.e., sub drop) for the receiving partner when it’s finished. Aftercare is important for physical and emotional shifts.

The other thing to remember is that it might not always work. Sometimes our bodies don’t cooperate the way we want them to and something feels off. Pushing through those walls isn’t necessary or always satisfying.

*Front hole is language that some transmasculine people prefer to refer to their anatomy.

Happy Pride!