7 Digital Sex Tips for Keeping it Hot in Quarantine
If there was ever a time to become a sexting or virtual sex expert, this is it! While we might need to be distant from our lovers and hook-ups, many of us are also realizing the power of technologically-mediated forms of communication to get sexy. Thankfully, I’m a Master of sexting (I literally did my Master’s thesis on sexting), so I can share some of my top tips to help you get off when you can’t go out.
1. Choose your platform wisely
Unfortunately, many tech platforms are notoriously anti-sex. Instagram’s censorship of menstruation, nudity, and LGBTQ+ people has been made widely known, but it turns video calling platforms aren’t immune either! Zoom has recently released a statement that they will be cracking down on nudity – which likely means RIP to digital sex parties!! In terms of where things stand now, Facetime and Telegram don’t have any explicit rules against it, so they might be safer bets for video sex exploits.
2. Protect your information
In addition to safer video sex, there are steps you can take to sext safer too! You can opt for apps like Signal, which uses end-to-end encryption (so Zuckerberg can back off of your hot pics!). Photo Vault is another option. This app requires a password to open, so you can keep your photos for your eyes only.
3. Experiment with mediums
I’ve listed video sex and sexting as options so far, but the options for digital sex are really as vast as your creativity! Play with voice notes, do some old-fashioned phone sex (or just listen to each other’s moans if narrating feels too intimidating), send fully clothed saucy pics (cleavage, hand placements, angles, and some well-fitting sweatpants are your friends here), or hell, make some erotic ASMR!
4. Make a Want/Will/Won’t list
When you take out the routine of IRL sex and venture into the unknown landscape of cyberspace it can be easy to get a bit lost. What do I say? What kind of sex do I actually want to have? But turns out, this is a great opportunity to explore your desires and the things that really turn you on! A Want/Will/Won’t list is a way to categorize different sex acts (or feelings, words, etc.) based on what you want to do, will do, and won’t do. Check out a fantastic video from Sexplanations on 150 sex acts for ideas or the website Mojo Upgrade for a higher-tech version!
5. Set the mood
When you’re used to taking the time to get ready for a date, it can feel jarring to just jump into sexting or virtual sex. Make time to build up that excitement for yourself at home! Make a FaceTime or texting date and give yourself time before to get in ~the mood~. Turn on some fairy lights, put on your favourite sexy tunes, do some sensual or goofy dancing, clean up your space, and pick out some sex toy options. By the time you hit “send”, you’ll be rearing to go!
6. Get inspiration
Ah, the dreaded question – what do I even say??? Vocalizing your desires can be intimidating, even with partners you’ve had sex with before, but you don’t have to go into digital sex with a completely blank slate. Read or listen to some erotica (oh yes audio erotica is a thing!), check out some rocking saucy Instagram accounts, or buy some clips from clip models – the ultimate experts in creating a ~digital fantasy~. I’d start searching on ManyVids for the last one!
7. Be kind to yourself
Sharing your sexy self in a new way can be nerve-wracking and that’s ok! Just keep in mind that the person you are getting virtually dirty with thinks you’re hot as hell and is most definitely less nit-picky than you are about the whole experience. Breathe, say what feels right for you, laugh, and smile at the hiccups along the way, all while knowing that it doesn’t have to be perfect to be sexy.