A Brief (and Hilariously Honest) History of Sex Toys

Do you have a trusted sexual wellness aid, aka: a sex toy, to spice up your solo or partnered sex life? A little buzzing buddy? A faithful phallic friend? Well, unless you’ve been reaching for a 28,000-year-old stone dildo, your collection isn’t exactly ancient.

Oh yeah, you read that correctly. The world’s oldest dildo dates back to 28,000 BC, found in a cave in Baden-Wuerttemberg, Germany, because apparently, even cavemen knew that sometimes, you just need to take matters into your own hands.

Sex toys have been around for quite literally forever. So, let’s take a fun (and slightly inappropriate) trip through history to see how our ancestors got their rocks off—sometimes, quite literally.

28,000 BC: Stone Cold Pleasure

Our earliest recorded sex toy was a stone phallus, made from antlers, bones and stone and roughly 20 cm in length and 3 cm in girth. They were adorned with dots and lines at the tip (to have a similar appearance to a real penis). Archaeologists insist that it was used for sexual pleasure, though I’d like to believe it also doubled as a makeshift hammer or, perhaps, a very confusing weapon.

6,000 BC: Boning with Bones

Excavations at the Motala site in Östergötland, Scandinavia uncovered phallic objects made of bone and wood, about 12 – 16 cm long. That’s right—our prehistoric ancestors were already investing in “natural materials” before it became trendy.

1150 BC: Ancient Egyptian Erotica

Papyrus scrolls created by a draughtsman at Thebes in Upper Egypt contain some suspiciously sexual imagery, including a woman and what appears to be an upside-down vase with a pointed base. I mean, if that doesn’t scream "DIY pleasure device," I don’t know what does.

520 BC: The Greeks Knew What’s Up

The Greeks didn’t just invent democracy and philosophy—they also gave us the olisbos, an artificial phallus made from softened leather and stuffed with wool.

Yes, they had their own version of "vegan" dildos. They even used olive oil as a lubricant…That’s extra aura points in my books for innovation!

411 BC: The Play That Launched a Thousand Vibrations

In the now famous play Lysistrata by Aristophane, it was hinted that men were being replaced by phallic devices, and that olisbos were used, by women, as a masturbation aid. Essentially, this was one of the earliest cases of "Men are useless, I have my toys."

400 BC: The Kama Sutra Drops Gems

Cue the Kama Sutra, the world's oldest sex manual which detailed the use of sex toys made from wood, rubber, gold, silver, and ivory. This book also introduced early sex dolls and penis extensions—proving that men have ALWAYS been worried about size.

200 BC: Royal Butt Plugs?

Chinese archaeologists discovered jade butt plugs and bronze dildos buried in tombs of the rich and powerful. If that’s not taking your kinks to the afterlife, I don’t know what is.

27 BC: Romans Made It Fashion

The Romans loved phallic imagery, so much so, that they wore little penis pendants around their necks. They also honoured a literal Phallic God, Mutunus Tutunus, who brides would symbolically "lose their virginity"  to, using a ritual dildo before their wedding. Now, that’s my Roman Empire.

14th Century: "Diletto" Sounds Class

Italy renames the olisbos to "diletto" (meaning "delight"). Because apparently, adding an Italian twist makes everything more sophisticated.

18th Century: The "Hysteria Cure"

In 1738 France, the clockwork vibrator (aka the ‘tremoussoir’ in French), a wind-up handheld vibrator, was invented by a French physician.

Doctors in Europe prescribed vibrators as a medical cure for "hysteria"—aka women feeling restless, irritable, or just generally unsatisfied.

Back then however, hysteria was not what it is today. It was believed that hysteria was a woman’s uterus wandering around in her body as a result of lack of sex. It was also believed that when one suffered from hysteria, they would feel anxious, sleepy, irritable, and have erotic fantasies.

Instead of, you know, acknowledging female sexuality, they simply administered pelvic massages in what had to be the most awkward doctor’s appointment of all time.

And what became of this situation? Women enjoyed visiting the doctor so much that they told all of their friends about it, creating a bigger need for personal vibrators at home.

19th Century: Rubber to the Rescue

Thanks to Charles Goodyear’s vulcanized rubber, the first proper rubber dildos and condoms entered the scene. Meanwhile, George Taylor, M.D., created a steam-powered vibrator called "The Manipulator” – This device would push a rod that created movement on a handle in such a way that someone would feel vibrations or oscillations when used. They could sit or stand to receive these movements from the machine. After this invention, a slew of doctors came up with similar devices. No word on whether this device was a commentary on men at the time.

20th Century: Vibrators Go Mainstream

By 1900, vibrators were among the first household items powered by electricity—predating vacuum cleaners. Priorities, people!

In 1972, General Electric chemists developed body-safe silicone, leading to more comfortable sex toys, as it allowed people who used them to feel more comfortable and not have irritated skin.

A year or two later, Dunan took his passion to the next level—by opening a dildo factory in his basement (as one casually does). He called it “Paramount Therapeutic Products,” later rebranded as “Scorpio Products” because, let’s be real, that name just fits. 

Meanwhile, sex therapist Joani Blank said, “Enough with the shady backroom sales,” and opened ‘Good Vibrations’, the first-ever sex toy store with a sex-positive, women-centred approach. Revolutionary. Iconic. Probably the best shopping experience ever.

21st Century: The Era of Smart Sex Toys

And by 1977, ‘Sex and the City’ made the Rabbit Vibrator, a pop culture icon, sending sex toy sales through the roof.

And now, with Bluetooth-enabled, app-controlled, and AI-driven toys, we’ve officially entered the future of pleasure. You can now sync your vibrator to your favorite playlist, control your partner’s pleasure from miles away, or even have your toy interact with VR. The possibilities are endless.

The Bottom Line

To sum up, sex toys occupy a large place in human history—bigger than most people realize (though size, as we know, isn’t everything). From prehistoric stone dildos to Bluetooth-controlled vibrators, one thing is clear: humanity has always been deeply invested in pleasure. And with the sex toy industry set to hit $52 billion by 2026, it’s safe to say that business is, well… still coming.