Your Genitals Are Special Snowflakes

Each of our body parts are unique to us. Some famously so; like our eyes, our fingerprints, the lines on our hands. Guess what? Our genitals are unique to each of us too. However, since we don't talk about this fact, they can also be sites and sources of immense shame. Many of us feel that ours don't look like they "should."

But let's unpack (hehe) what that means, exactly. Some people have labias that dangle down their thighs, some labias are imperceptible. Each little portion of genitals may vary; just like some people have big eyes and others seems smaller. Some testicles are larger than others; or hang lower than others. Some pubic hair is dense and curly; some is sparse and straight. You catch my drift?

We all have the same parts; they're just arranged differently. So differently, in fact, that it would be silly to think that two cis women would have the same vulva, even if they fall into the same category of "female." There is more variation within any gender category than between categories. As in: there is more identifiable difference between cis women's bodies than the genitals of the "average" cis woman and cis man.

So let's go back to the beginning. What happens during gestation? Is there actually a little weiner sticking out of the fertilized egg? Let's find out.

Gestation

It bears stating that all genitals start out the same. For the first 7 weeks after conception, fetuses do not have differentiation in their genitals. We can identify the genital tubercle, genital swelling, and a genital fold. At 7 weeks, we can start to observe differentiation between genital development. AKA: What will be called a penis or vagina. Even though 1-2 percent of the population is intersex, the vast majority of infants are assigned a gender at birth by a doctor. This means they say "That's a penis," "That's a vagina," or "That doesn't fall into either category. I'm going with boy or girl."

Intersex means genitals fall outside of the male/female binary biology. Around 1-2 people in every 100 are born intersex. AKA there is approximately the same amount of redheads as intersex folks globally. 

Image credit: Caffyn Jesse & Murali Shamugam

So?

So we start out with all of the same parts, and through gestation they start to arrange themselves. Ever notice that you can usually tell babies' faces apart? That's thanks to genetic variation. And our genitals look different too.

A big renovation happens during puberty. Pubic hair, underarm hair, and general body hair may thicken and become coarser. Penises and testes may grow; breasts may develop. Body composition may change and include more muscle and fat than childlike features. Notice that we aren't surprised by these changes; we expect them.  Some people are more muscular, others are less. Some people grow a lot of thicker body hair, others are like seals. Some people are growers, others are showers. We continue to grow into ourselves and not into looking like each other. You feel me?

Get to the point...

While many of us perceive others faces and bodies from the moment we open our eyes, generally we don't see many other genitals. If we do see them in a sexual context, it's most likely in our own sex lives or in pornography.

Here's the problem: Pornography is entertainment. It doesn't reflect reality. Just like we don't expect the people watching Marvel movies to look like the stars of them; we shouldn't expect our genitals to look like what we see in porn. 

We should expect the unexpected. There is no "correct" genital presentation to aspire to; there is just aesthetic preference. Just as we develop things that make us identifiably "us" in utero, we develop our genitals. There is zero indication that they should look one way or another.

Don't forget, there is nothing more profitable than telling us there is something wrong with our bodies we need to pay to fix. A lot of people profit from this alienation and shame people feel from their genitals. Whether they sell plastic surgery, things to make them smell different, shaving devices, waxing or laser hair services, special underwear to hide or accentuate your genitals: there is money to be, and being made.

The good news? It costs nothing to reframe how we look at ourselves and others. And the facts are clear: genitals vary. And that's not only okay, it's wonderful.