How to Use Your Sex Toys
Sex toys are great and all, but they’re not very helpful if you don’t know how to use them. There is no “right” way to get off – but knowing where to start can help you to your finish. Here’s a start on how to experiment with toys alone and with partner(s). Keep in mind, like Goldilocks, you have to keep trying! It may take experimenting with too much or too little sensation to find your perfect toy.
Vibrations can feel amazing in the clitoris, vagina, or anus. We don’t actually know why exactly vibrations themselves are pleasing. The important thing is that they stimulate sensitive nerves in our erogenous zones, and it feels great. In fact, introducing vibrations to play can completely transform your sexual experience whether solo or with partner(s).
Folks use vibrators alone to masturbate, to mutually masturbate, or in tandem with other play. For instance, you may enjoy using a vibrator in your vagina while during anal intercourse. Or, you could prefer using it solo in order to warm up for sex or just generally solo. The world is your oyster.
Take a look at your vibrator – is it phallic shaped, or is it smaller? If it is “long,” it is likely meant to be used for vaginal penetration. Lube it up, lube the area you are going to play in, hold it at its base, and slowly insert it into your vagina or anus. If you are new, start slow! Vibrations are really stimulating. Play with the settings on your vibrator – as you get used to it, you can play around and see what you like. If your toy is smaller (too small to insert into your vagina holding the base), it’s likely meant for clitoral stimulation. Experiment with your clitoris, labia, and vaginal opening. Figure out what feels good for you, and go from there!
Can I damage my nerves if I use one for too long?
Generally, no, you won’t cause permanent damage. If you feel numbness or pain, stop and let your body settle. It will acclimatize to the vibrations, so you may find yourself using different speeds and/or vibration patterns as you explore. As a rule of thumb, if you are losing sensation, take a beat. The blood will flow back to the area you are stimulating, and when you get going again, you’ll be even more sensitive.
Dildos are a bit of a no-brainer. They are the most like penises. The friction created by the toy going in and out of your vagina or anus can be really pleasureful. What’s more, you have control over where it delivers the most pressure (by manipulating its base). You also have control over length, girth, and texture: because hey, you bought it.
As with all toys, you can use dildos with partner(s) or on your own. You may enjoy using a dildo to masturbate after achieving a clitoral orgasm, or if your partner has already climaxed. You may also enjoy using a dildo solo, or in conjunction with a vibrator, plug, or another toy.
Dildos are generally used in the vagina or anus (Make sure there is a flared base if using for anal play). A lot of them are harness compatible and therefore are perfect for pegging. To use, apply lubricant from tip to lower shaft of the dildo, as well as to your vaginal lips or rectum. We suggest achieving arousal – aka, vaginal swelling, wetness, clitoral firmness, erect nipples (or whatever combination of these factors does or doesn’t happen for you) before diving in. To start, try by laying on your back, on all fours, or using a suction-based toy to squat on.
Do all dildos have suction bases? Do I have to use the suction base?
They do not! Suction bases can be a fun feature that lets you anchor your dildo onto something, like a shower wall. You can absolutely hold the base with your hands and play away.
Unlike the vagina, which can self-lubricate and engorge in preparation for sex, the anus generally needs some prep work. In fact, anal sex can be pretty painful for beginners without it. Enter butt plugs! These toys help prepare the sphincter for play by helping it relax, or loosen. There are uber-sensitive nerve endings in the rectum – prostate stimulation can be hugely satisfying, and you can achieve clitoral stimulation from a whole new angle (wink, wink).
Folks often use plugs to work up to anal play by inserting them during foreplay, before anal sex. Some folks also keep them in during the day as they work up to bigger play, as a form of dom/sub play, and more generally, because it feels good. You can wear them for hours at a time, but you should take a break if you experience pain or need to go number two. Also be sure to keep it nice and lubed up – don’t be afraid to reapply!
We recommend/insist adding lube to your plug (the top and body of the toy) and even a drop or two directly to your anus – that way you’re rubbing lube on lube. Very slowly insert, stop if it is too painful and either size down or try again. They are usually used by placing in the rectum and leaving in to achieve a feeling of fullness. To get it in, we recommend squatting on to the toy, on all fours, or on the back with legs up in the air. You can push in and out, but you may find dildos are better for that type of sensation.
…How do I get it out?
No yanking. Grab the base and pull gently. If it doesn’t come right away, lube up a bit more. Once you get passed the base of the toy, it should slip out easily!
*Vaginas are really easily contaminated by feces: wash anything you use rectally really thoroughly and wipe forward to back to avoid cross-contamination.
Clitoral stimulators target the clitoris, which is a huge source of pleasure for a lot of folks. Some clitoral stimulators are vibrators – like the smaller vibes discussed above. Other clitoral stimulators use different technology to stimulate the clitoris. For instance, suction or sound vibrations. These toys are designed for the clitoris itself – so try around the labia to start. There is no right way to get off, so experiment!
You may enjoy using clitoral stimulators solo, or in conjunction with other toys, like dildos. You may also enjoy using clitoral stimulator during partnered intercourse, as a way to arouse the clitoris from multiple angles.
You should lubricate clitoral vibrators wherever you plan to use them – the tip? Lube it up. The base? Lube it up. The entire thing? Lube it up, but keep in mind it may be hard to grasp (Lube slips!). For suction and sonal clit toys, lubricate the rubber tips. In all cases, lube up your clitoris. Lay in a comfortable position, and bring the toy to your clitoris, and with it on the lowest setting, explore. For vibrating toys, experiment and see what part of the toy feels best. For suction and sonal toys, use the rubber tip for sensation. Does it feel good getting the entire labia in the tip of the stimulator? Does vibrations feel good on the right side of your vagina? Explore a bit and see what feels good for you. Take your time amping up the power on these babies: they’re pretty potent!
Strokers mimic the feeling of the vagina, anus, or mouth on the penis. Forget using your left hand – these things can take your hand-to-penis experience to the next level.
You may enjoy using it alone, in lieu of stroking your own penis or in combination with your hand(s). You may enjoy using it while getting pegged, or having a partner run it up and down your penis to add sensory variation to your play.
We recommend lubricating your penis from base to tip, as well as applying lubricant to the inside of your stroker. This way, you amp up sensation and minimize friction. To use, insert your penis into one end of the stroker, and slowly run up and down your penis. It’s all you from there!
They help trap blood in the penis: lots of folks report having more intense orgasms using a cock ring. They make for firmer, longer-lasting erections. Remember they can be used with condoms! Safe sex and good sex are best friends!
You may enjoy using a cock ring while you masturbate or in conjunction with a toy like a stroker. You also don’t need a penis to enjoy a ring – you can wrap it around the fingers, or put on other toys to change them up.
Put at the base of unerect penis, or over unerect penis and balls. Then bring yourself to erection, with the ring intact. With if you feel numbness or see a colour change, take the ring off immediately. Protect the family jewels – don’t make one at home.