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On Mutual Masturbation

On Mutual Masturbation

Relationships need time and effort in order to work. They won't magically be amazing and problem-free. Same goes for sex. Yes, sometimes it gets boring and predictable, but most of the time and with the right tools, it can be hot and stunning.
Some people don't think that masturbation counts as sex (it does) but we won't be debating that today. Masturbation can help you improve your body image, learn about your body, give you infinite pleasure, connect with yourself and so many other things. So, if it's so amazing, why don't we do it with our partners?

Let's define mutual masturbation first.

  • Mutual masturbation consists of masturbating in the presence of your partner(s) and/or masturbating each other.
  • Mutual masturbation can be done with your hands or toys.
  • Mutual masturbation can be even more intimate than intercourse.
  • Mutual masturbation can happen between multiple partners.

11 important facts about mutual masturbation 

1. It doesn't need to happen in real life: it's perfect for any kind of relationship because it can be done in person or virtually. Say you and your partner are away for a period of time but want to keep an active sex live or are looking to spice things up. You can set up a video call and watch them masturbate while you do the same. You can tell each other what to do next, what your thinking about or how hot they look. Doing it in person is not that different, the only aspects that change are that you're there with them and can touch other parts of their body or masturbate them yourself.
2. It's not necessarily foreplay: mutual masturbation is so hot that it can be the main event, especially if one of your goals is that everyone orgasms. Masturbation is one of the easiest ways for people to cum, you can also make it as adventurous as you want. There's no need for this to be an extra if it has all the capabilities of being the main course. Whatever you decide, mutual masturbation can come at the beginning, middle, very end or all of them.
3. It's the best form of communication: most of us suck at telling our partners what we like and how we like it. We are afraid to hurt their feelings and sometimes the words "a little to the left" won't come out. The absolute best way to show your lovers how to touch you, is by showing them. Not only can they learn about your body, you'll do the same with theirs. Now, you'll always have a fool-proof way of giving your partner pleasure and vice-versa.
4. It promotes intimacy, connection and vulnerability: making eye contact is an intimate act by itself. Add being naked and touching yourself to the mix and you'll have a very vulnerable and intimate moment. What an amazing way to connect with other human beings, don't you think? Although you're not necessarily touching each other, it's about as close as you can get to someone else. For me, and many others, it's even more intimate than intercourse or another sexual activity.
5. It's not just about the genitals: the majority of us only stimulate our genitals when we masturbate. It's what we learned and that's okay but maybe it doesn't need to be everything. Some people can have orgasms by just breathing, some by stimulating their nipples and, I recently learned that a lot of people are capable of having an orgasm when they're going down on someone else. So if that's possible, imagine what our entire bodies can do. I believe in you and know you can stay away from your partners junk for a few minutes! I like to play a game where me and my partner can't touch each other genitals for 10-15min (feel free to make it longer). We usually take turns just exploring and caressing their entire body, which leads me to my next point.
6. It builds up so much tension and anticipation: for some people having a dry spell means that they stopped seducing each other. Seduction is basically a form of anticipation. Seeing a lover touching themselves and feeling pleasure will most likely make you want to touch them yourself. The sexual tension that mutual masturbation can bring is unbelievable. You see them masturbating and you want to be the one stroking their body and making them feel amazing and this gives you pleasure as well. And, if you decide to use this as foreplay, whatever you do next will be incredibly pleasurable.
7. It's an amazing alternative to explore sex without penetration: unfortunately for a lot of people, penetration hurts. Sometimes so much so that's it's not sustainable or bearable. Luckily, there are infinite possibilities and mutual masturbation is one of them. Like I said before, this can 100% be the main event and all parties will leave satisfied.
8. There are lower risks of contracting an STI: if for some reason you don't want to or cannot take some risks, this is a stupendous option to have sex (yes, it counts as sex if you want it to) with other people while still being as safe as possible. Since you're not ~actually~ touching your partner, it's very difficult to come in contact with their fluids, therefore, the risk to contact an STI is very slim.
9. It works well when one person has a higher desire than the other: this is the number one problem that couples have. It's the most common relationship issue that one person has a higher desire than the other. It's normal but it can also be very frustrating. Mutual masturbation can be a viable option to navigate it. If you're the person with the lower desire, you can tell your partner that you're not in the mood but that you're open (hopefully) to watch them masturbate. It will still be intimate, they will most likely get off and who knows? You might even end up getting aroused.
10. It's a creative way to introduce sex toys into your relationship(s): sex toys are our allies, they help enhance our pleasure and can also make sex more accessible. Lots of people can only orgasm with toys as well but are ashamed or unsure about how to introduce them into partner play. Consider mutual masturbation a possibility. Tell your partner you would love for them to see you using your toys, or send them a video, show them how good they make you feel and have them be a part of it. If you're on the other side and want to have your partner use toys on themselves, the same thing applies. Tell them how attractive they look, and that you would adore to use the toys on them, etc.
11. You can make it as kinky as you want: you can guide their session. Here are some ideas: have them use a blindfold, tell them they can only touch themselves with a feather, your favourite toy or a specific technique, tell them they can only cum when you give them permission, tell them they have to count backwards from 50 slowly, have them go into the bathroom and do it as quietly as possible. There are so many options and you make the rules.

Alexa Andre

Alexa (she/her) is a Psychologist & Sexologist and it is her mission to teach people how to deal with their sexuality in a safe and satisfactory manner. You can see more from her at

Questions? Concerns? Corrections? Comment below or contact our editor Katie at :) 

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