Old People Fuck. It's a Good Thing.

Picture it. Six years old, sitting in my kitchen, blissfully knowing nothing about sex. Then my MUCH older sister (8yo) runs into the room, sits beside me, and explains P in V intercourse to me. "Mom and Dad do that!?" I yelled. "GRANDMA AND GRANDPA DO THAT!?" I bellowed, visibly upset.

Old people fuck. We know this. As my late grandmother put it in her nursing home where she had many boyfriends:

"You know, you can have sex until you die..."

Be it kink shaming, body shaming, gender or age shaming, shame is rampant in our culture. Ageism is so inherent in our society we don't even notice that we're reapplying it to every interaction. Oh was that older person looking too free? Better tell them they're "cute." Imagine having tattoos on old skin, PUKE. Are they having too much? Better roll our eyes. DID SHE JUST TALK ABOUT SEX!? EW! We effectively decide that at a certain age, folks should be asexual... For our sakes.

Age, like most things, is relative. I'm 34 now. My 18 year old self would have thought I was absolutely ancient. To many of my current friends who are over 50, I'm still a little baby.

There are a few things going on when we get the "ick" - it's actually pretty important in human culture. It helps us not have sex with our biological family; stay in similar age groups; find folks who have similar interests and as our own. But that ick factor has gone unchecked for far too long.

Don't get me wrong, we change as we age. Folks might experience changes in their bodies, their minds, and spirits, or their lives that mean that they don't want to have sex. Vaginal walls might become thinner and the vagina itself may produce less lubrication. Erections may change or become more challenging to get or maintain. However, none of these potential changes provide a correlation between aging and reduced sexuality or sexual enjoyment.

In fact, the cisheteronormative notion that penetrative penis in vagina intercourse is the only legitimate form of sex excludes most sex. Oral sex, sex with ourselves, anal sex, mutual masturbation, sex with our words... Imagine if sex was just P in V!? Sex educators are much more likely to define sex as anything that engages our  eroticism, whether bodies are involved or not.

But let's get back to the facts. Whether or not the youth are comfortable with it, old people fuck. STI's have been increasing in care facilities for over a decade. One study of folks who attended free sexual education found that 70% of respondents over 60 years old perceived themselves as attractive for their age, and over 50% had current sexual relationships. That's only about 12% less than 18-30 year olds in California (A sexy state to start with) who reported having no sexual partner the prior year.

Representation matters. Seeing, hearing, and knowing about sexually fulfilled folks over 65 increases the likelihood that we will feel sexually fulfilled at that age.

So effectively castrating people's sexualities when they aren't the most profitable demographic to cater to? No thanks. Not in a world that recognizes sexual health is a "fundamental to overall health." Folks are uncomfortable by sexuality in their elders while simultaneously hoping to get there. As in, we hope to "grow old" with someone, but can't deal with the concept of "old." The logic doesn't hold; the dissonance is too deep.

I want to be a happy old lady. And you know what makes me happy?  Passion. Connection. Knowing that there are options in my future. Orgasms. We need to reframe the way we talk about old people and sex because it's factually untrue and we're castrating a massive part of being human before we even get there.

So let's get over it and be happy for our older community members getting theirs. I hope to continue to enjoy my sexuality throughout my life. And if I'm lucky enough to live long enough qualify for a senior's discount, I hope to be enjoying it even more.